the ten days of knowing you

Kurt Cobain, Painting of white, thorn-like capillaries surrounding a fetus. Previously exhibited on Nick Broomfield's Kurt and Courtney documentary, c. 1987-1989

FOREWORD: I wrote this poem in the 10th grade, to showcase the sense of loss women feel when they lose their child. At the time that I wrote this poem, I was in a state of impending discouragement that I had needed to do something to let out the frustration held within me in some shape or form.  

Though I myself cannot say that personally, I have felt the loss that comes with losing a child, writing a poem about a subject as heavy, helped to lift the weight of dreariness that had been pushing onto to me before sharing it to my sophomore English class. Now three years later, I share this poem to the world:

You were with me for 10 days
But I knew you longer than that
7 months to be exact.

Day 1
The first time I saw your face I was happy
And you were beautiful,
So tiny and fragile I thought you would break
I wanted to hold you but you were taken away
So fast I wondered if you were really here.

Day 2
I cried and cried and cried
And that was all I did

Day 3
When I held you for the first time,
I was at peace and all the pain I had was gone.
But it was now replaced with fear
 Fear you would go away
Fear you wouldn’t know how much I loved you
Fear I wouldn’t see you grow

 Day 4, 5, 6, 7 passed
Just like the seconds I got to see you
Just like the months I knew you
Just like the life that was still inside you

Day 8 and 9 were the same
Memories of when I found you
Memories of being excited to see you
Memories of loving you before you were mine
Memories of the night I first saw you
Memories of panic and stress
Because you were early
And not ready just yet.

Day 10
I prayed you be with me
I hoped you would stay
But you didn’t .

I cried and cried and cried
I slept and slept and slept
Hoping that when I woke up
I would be fine
It never worked 
And I don’t know when it will

You were with me for 10 days
But I knew you for longer
And all I have to say is

Mother still loves you.


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