fragments

(image via tumblr)

Cherry lip balm will always symbolize the start
It stained your lips and feathered around the rest of your mouth
Stained your fingertips, too
And the scent lingered
Too sweet for anyone to truly be enamored with it
But I was easily led by the promise of sweetness

Once I was face to face with it
I pressed my mouth against its glow and hit my nose against yours
Neither of us bruised
But we both felt it
It was never like that in movies

You shrugged at it
Kept reminding me that this was real life
And that I didn’t have to be the hero
Because I wasn’t written to be
I was brought in blood and guts and imperfection

I tried so hard to live with that fact
That idealism would kill me if I believed in it too much
That we are unscripted and meant to make mistakes

I only realized these things after the fact
After cherry lip balm turned into red lipstick

Now I cannot press my mouth to it
Because I let time and my own need for the “right” moment create a distance that took you to another city with another person who is now putting their arm around you

You haven’t seen me yet
I look like I spent too much time getting ready
I did
And you are letting your lipstick smudge against glasses and skin as you hug everyone and walk around the room

I duck out of the door because I can’t think of a single thing to say to you that would sound beautiful


I can’t breathe and so I end up on the sidewalk
In my car
In my house
In my head

Laying here, re-writing us again and again


BY ZARA MEDUGU

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